Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
