Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
