I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
