So drunk its hurt
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
