hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
PANTIES FOUND
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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