I love black thongs
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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