Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
