no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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