I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
