you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
