Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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