I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
