White coat. Heels.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
