So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
