my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I will pee on everything he values.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
