Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
