I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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