oh god the rape fog is back!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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