glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
