I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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