America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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