Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
