i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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