I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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