So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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