Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
