i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
