I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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