The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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