My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My pussy is not your playground.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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