i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
