omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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