whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
