just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
