Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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