I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
