did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
