As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
