Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
