Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
