Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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