He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
