Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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