Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
