i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
