If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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