Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Green mimosas i think yes
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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