some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
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