Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
