no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
