textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
