I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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