If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
