I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
